Nursing Home Update

We went to see Mom at the nursing home today after church. She was in the dining room eating lunch. They are giving her pureed food again and thickened liquids. She didn't seem to mind it at all. She ate about half of her food and drank some water and a couple sips of coffee. She knew who we were, she called me by name and said that Tim was my husband. After she ate, we took her back to her room in her wheelchair. She said she was cold, so I wrapped a blanket around her and she was sitting in her room watching television. She isn't quite back to where she was, mentally, but I'm not sure she will get back there. It makes me sad to see her back in the nursing home, but I know that she is being cared for there. She hasn't been walking yet, the nurse said they are starting therapy Monday and their goal is to get her back to where she can walk with a walker. I know that Barry and Carla have been to see her. I probably won't go again until Wednesday. Right now, I think I will try to go 2 or 3 times a week. I just can't go every day. I will try to blog as much as I can. It might be the same old thing, but at least you will know how she is doing.

Mom's World

I took this picture of Mom on Friday, October 31,2008. She had a bath, had her hair washed and was dressed for the first time in a week. (since she fell last Monday.) She was happy that Barry, Carla, Lauren, Gregg and Isabella were coming that night to visit her. She ate well all day and was in a pretty pleasantly confused mood.

Saturday morning, she took a major turn for the worse. I went in to get her at 7:30 am for breakfast and she didn't know me at all, and wouldn't let me come close to her. She was extremely combative and threatened to call the police if I didn't leave her alone. I left the room for a few minutes and went back to try again. She was still very agitated, talking completely crazy, seeing people on the ceiling, in the walls. I was devastated. I broke down in tears, not for me, but for her. And I realized, that was not my mom. I didn't know that woman. I was crying, and yelling, yes, yelling at her- "I'm your daughter, Debbie, Look at me, I'm Debbie. I'm just trying to help you." She still couldn't walk and get out of bed on her own. I could have left her there, but what I didn't say in the beginning is that she was covered with...poop. That actually didn't even upset me. I just needed to clean her up, but I couldn't get close to her. I called the ambulance and they took her to Ball Hospital. By the time I got there, she knew me and had calmed down. They cleaned her up and did lots of test. She has a bladder infection, blood in the stools and will probably need a blood transfusion. They also need to re-evaluate her left leg, the one she can't walk on. I was in the ER for 5 hours with her and needed to leave, first for a water softener repair call and then to see our friend, Ray, who is in IU Med Center in Indy. Mom's brother went out to set with her in the ER and Barry was out there. Barry called me after she got to her room, telling me that she had gone completely crazy again. I am afraid that it will be all downhill now. She has more bad times than good. So I guess this will be my last post as the caregiver for my mom. When she is released from the hospital, she will be going back to a nursing facility. I can't reach her in the world she is in. But like my sister said to me, "We can't reach her in her world, but God still can." That is a comforting thought and one that I am going to cling to. I can't reach her anymore, but God will always be able to get in her world and take care of her like I can't.

All is Quiet

Mom had a pretty good day today...She still can't walk well and spent a good part of the day in her bed. Sometimes sitting up, sometimes trying to get up and sometimes lying down. Since putting the bed directly on the floor, it is almost impossible for her to stand up from there. She did it though, once yesterday! Thankfully, I heard lots of movement and went in to sit her back down before she tried taking any steps. She really has trouble right now. Omar, her therapist, will be here tomorrow, so we will see how it goes. I got her in the wheelchair for supper, which she ate pretty good. Then I wheeled her in the living room, where she watched Andy Griffith DVD's while Tim and I ate in the kitchen. After we ate we sit in the living room with her and she looked at me after about 20 minutes and said I'm tired and think I want to go to bed. Wow! So I wheeled her in to her room and Tim helped me get her in bed. I covered her up, gave her a kiss and she was asleep before I left the room! She is on pain meds, a sedative (at night) and then a sleeping pill. That would be enough to knock out an elephant! She really needs to keep off her leg until it feels better, but I am afraid that she will have to start all over getting her strength back. She seems to be having a more restful sleep than she has had for awhile. She is not talking to "people" all night. And she is not snoring as much, so therefore not waking herself up. It is quiet in here, except for her breathing. And that's a good thing.

Friends

Today Rebekah's mom came over to stay with Mom for a couple of hours. This is the second time Mary has come to give me time away. She would come more, but I always hate to ask. Okay...I don't ask, Mary just calls and says she'll be over at a certain time and she shows up! But I know that she is there if I need her...that is an awesome feeling- to know someone who is not related to my mom is willing to come and be with her,take care of her and even change her underwear and clean her up if needed. I'm not sure that I would do that for anyone else. I hope I would, if the time ever arises. I was gone for two hours and when I got back Mary was sitting on the bed with Mom, showing her pictures of our grandchildren, Mom's great-grandchildren. We are all connected by those two precious babies, Cabot and Ainsley. Mom knew Cabot and called him by name, then told Mary she has never seen the baby. It makes me sad to know that Mom has a little great-granddaughter that she doesn't know. She has a 2 year old great-grandson , Ryan, in Florida that she has seen only one time. I am hoping that Mom is able to walk again without alot of pain and we are able to take her to Texas with us. Tim made the comment that I wouldn't enjoy myself if we took her, but there is more to life than just being able to enjoy it. It would me so much to me if Mom could see her Texas great-grandchildren. I would like for her to be able to see all of her great-grandchildren and grandchildren one more time before the Alzheimer's takes her mind completely. Mary showed her a picture of Jeremy and Mom said, "Jeremy Lynn". She hasn't seen Jeremy for quite some time, but that memory of him is still in her mind. One day the memories will all be gone. I don't know if I am prepared for that. But we'll take it one day, one moment at a time. But I just want to say- Thank you, Mary, for being there for me. You just can never understand how much that means to me! I truly do love you!

Weird Day

Tim and I just picked Mom up off the floor again...She rolls out of bed or lays on the edge, then tries to get up and just plops on the floor. Thankfully the bed is low and the floor is carpet. She seems unfazed by it all. I spent a couple of hours today talking to her about the past, as she remembers it. I was not Debbie. I'm not sure who I was...but we do get along better if she doesn't know me. (Imagine that!) She told me Debbie was 17 and was looking for a job...oh to be at that point of my life again! Barry had some sort of operation and Diana had just gotten married. She remembered she lived on Oliver Drive. She told me that her husband, her dad, her daughter, Debbie and her son Barry work at South Side Church of the Nazarene. She used to go to church there, but she just didn't agree with everything they taught. But she does agree with the teachings at South Side Church of God. I showed her a picture of Tim and I, Jeremy and herself at Jeremy's wedding. She immediately knew Jeremy. Tim was a little fuzzy...probably still looked like her Uncle Tim! She knew Carla and talked about "Krissie". Cabot and Ryan Jarrett are brothers (she has their pictures in her purse) and Lauren doesn't have any children. She is just a baby herself. She talked about Robby and Shawn, but I'm not sure she knew exactly who they were connected with. Ryan is in school and has a sweet girlfriend. She has been married 3 times...her first husband was hit by a car crossing the road. She even described what he looked like when she saw his dead body. Morose, huh? Gerald was married to someone else, before they got married. I don't know what her name was. Her mother and dad are still alive and she sees them almost every night, along with Gerald. Gerald bought her a dog yesterday, but she hasn't seen it yet. He has to take it home and give it a bath.
We talked about lots of disconnected things! But I listened and agreed with it all.

At 5 pm she took her sleeping pills and other meds. She went to bed at 6- 6:30 pm. She hasn't been asleep yet. It is now 11:10 pm. I just gave her another sleeping pill around 45 minutes ago. They obviously do not work. I am kinda at my wits end with the sleeping pills. Why don't they work? I know they would kick my butt, if I took a half of one. I'm sure this will be another sleepless night for me. At least until early in the morning, when I fall asleep and then she gets up and I don't hear her. Thankfully, Tim usually does. I am going to move things around tomorrow and put a small couch in her room where I will be able to sleep. Maybe then I'll be able to hear her get up then. I just went in her room for the 6th time to get her laid back down. This time I brought her out and sit her in the recliner. I guess she will sleep there the rest of the night. If that works, she may sleep there every night. I just know she is going to fall and hurt herself and I don't want her to do that. This has just been weird day. She just said she was going to the airport. Hope she has a good trip!

Busy All the Time

I don't have much time to sit and blog now, Mom is very mobile and I have to watch her like a hawk! I told her yesterday, that I have to watch her like a hawk and she looked at me and said "Don't call me a hawk." Oh, well. She is constantly talking about going home. Her big thing today is that her uncle is coming to see her. So I told her that when her uncle comes, he can take her home. That made her happy. Made me happy too, until I realized who her uncle is she is waiting for. UNCLE TIM! She keeps talking about Uncle Tim and that she is going home with him. She also told me there's nothing "funny" going on with them, he is just her uncle! Whew! That made me feel better! So I had to call Tim and tell him not to come home for awhile. He was going to see his mom at the hospital, then go to the garage anyway! He thought that was pretty funny that he was her uncle! Now she is going through her purse, trying to find money for a ticket home. Don't know what the ticket is for- train, plane, automobile- she can't tell me that. She asked how much the ticket was and I told her $400. Just another Alzheimer Lie! Tim said he hopes that I don't get used to lying. Well, I try to exaggerate my lies just so they can't be believable to the "normal" people. Oh, I am surrounded by the not so normal people. I thought I would clip Sterling, so I got started, Mom was watching me at the kitchen table. She got bored with that and wondered off. So now I have a dog that is partially clipped- back first, so he looks like a small, black lion. I called today about adult daycare...for Mom, not me. I think I will try to take her a couple times a week for a couple hours at a time. Maybe she needs something more than I can give her. I know what she did in the nursing home and I think we do alot more here than she did there. Maybe I should turn the TV off and just let her lay around doing nothing. I know they kept her from wandering by tying her in her wheelchair. Daily, for hours at a time. I just can't do that. I did tie a piece of material around her the other day in her wheelchair, so I could take a shower. She didn't even know it was there. She was watching TV. She has fallen 3 times since Diana left. Her face looks so much better, from where she hit the wall. Her black eyes have turned yellow and her scab is looking better. She didn't hurt herself the 3 times that she fell, but it is just unnerving. And I can't tell her anything, because she gets mad at me. So I will be very busy for the next few weeks. I don't think the medicine the doctor gave her has done one thing to help. We'll just bear with it for awhile to see if she gets better.

Physically Better, Mentally Out to Lunch

The better she feels physically the more confused she becomes. I guess maybe because she understands some things and it is confusing to her. When she didn't feel well, she didn't question anything. Now she questions everything! She was determined to go see her sister, but she couldn't find her keys. Well, she has no keys, only a key chain. So, I used one of my Alzheimer lies, telling her that the car needed a new motor and they had to go to Japan to get one. Hey, if I'm going to lie, I might as well make it a good one! She would accept that, but two minutes later ask me the same thing, I answered that same question about her car 15 times! Finally, I wrote it down for her. She took the paper and read it and stuck it in her pocket. She hasn't asked me again about her car. Then she wanted to have hamburgers delivered. I told her they don't deliver hamburgers and she told me they used to at home. Oh well, just another reason to try to leave here. She hasn't made any sense today at all, not being able to finish sentences and asking about her "little ones." I don't know what time period she is in right now. Yesterday, she talked about Barry coming for supper and I told her that he went to Ohio. She wanted to know who he went with. Without thinking I said his wife. Wrong thing to say! She had this horrible, confused look on her face and said, " He's married? When did he do that?" I changed the subject quickly, realizing that Barry, in her mind, was probably very young. I try hard not to add to her confusion, but sometimes I really screw up! Like yesterday, when she told me she had been to Aunt Florence's with Grandma and saw the twins. I was half listening and in one of my "funny" moods, so I told her that I had been to Florida. She got very serious and said, "Who did you go with?" I told her myself. She looked at me and said, "If you go again, I will go with you." I felt so bad. This was in the early afternoon. When I put her to bed, she said to me, "What time are we getting up to go in the morning?" I said, "Where are we going?" She looked at me and said, "We're going to the airport." She had not forgotten. She knows that Florida has "something" there that she wants to see. Thankfully, she had forgotten about her "trip" this morning when she woke up. My sense of humor will get me in trouble one of these days. Right now she is taking a little catnap. She ate a late breakfast, so she will have a late lunch. I am really undecided whether I want her physically strong, or mentally less confused. Whatever, it is what it is.