Nursing Home Update

We went to see Mom at the nursing home today after church. She was in the dining room eating lunch. They are giving her pureed food again and thickened liquids. She didn't seem to mind it at all. She ate about half of her food and drank some water and a couple sips of coffee. She knew who we were, she called me by name and said that Tim was my husband. After she ate, we took her back to her room in her wheelchair. She said she was cold, so I wrapped a blanket around her and she was sitting in her room watching television. She isn't quite back to where she was, mentally, but I'm not sure she will get back there. It makes me sad to see her back in the nursing home, but I know that she is being cared for there. She hasn't been walking yet, the nurse said they are starting therapy Monday and their goal is to get her back to where she can walk with a walker. I know that Barry and Carla have been to see her. I probably won't go again until Wednesday. Right now, I think I will try to go 2 or 3 times a week. I just can't go every day. I will try to blog as much as I can. It might be the same old thing, but at least you will know how she is doing.

Mom's World

I took this picture of Mom on Friday, October 31,2008. She had a bath, had her hair washed and was dressed for the first time in a week. (since she fell last Monday.) She was happy that Barry, Carla, Lauren, Gregg and Isabella were coming that night to visit her. She ate well all day and was in a pretty pleasantly confused mood.

Saturday morning, she took a major turn for the worse. I went in to get her at 7:30 am for breakfast and she didn't know me at all, and wouldn't let me come close to her. She was extremely combative and threatened to call the police if I didn't leave her alone. I left the room for a few minutes and went back to try again. She was still very agitated, talking completely crazy, seeing people on the ceiling, in the walls. I was devastated. I broke down in tears, not for me, but for her. And I realized, that was not my mom. I didn't know that woman. I was crying, and yelling, yes, yelling at her- "I'm your daughter, Debbie, Look at me, I'm Debbie. I'm just trying to help you." She still couldn't walk and get out of bed on her own. I could have left her there, but what I didn't say in the beginning is that she was covered with...poop. That actually didn't even upset me. I just needed to clean her up, but I couldn't get close to her. I called the ambulance and they took her to Ball Hospital. By the time I got there, she knew me and had calmed down. They cleaned her up and did lots of test. She has a bladder infection, blood in the stools and will probably need a blood transfusion. They also need to re-evaluate her left leg, the one she can't walk on. I was in the ER for 5 hours with her and needed to leave, first for a water softener repair call and then to see our friend, Ray, who is in IU Med Center in Indy. Mom's brother went out to set with her in the ER and Barry was out there. Barry called me after she got to her room, telling me that she had gone completely crazy again. I am afraid that it will be all downhill now. She has more bad times than good. So I guess this will be my last post as the caregiver for my mom. When she is released from the hospital, she will be going back to a nursing facility. I can't reach her in the world she is in. But like my sister said to me, "We can't reach her in her world, but God still can." That is a comforting thought and one that I am going to cling to. I can't reach her anymore, but God will always be able to get in her world and take care of her like I can't.

All is Quiet

Mom had a pretty good day today...She still can't walk well and spent a good part of the day in her bed. Sometimes sitting up, sometimes trying to get up and sometimes lying down. Since putting the bed directly on the floor, it is almost impossible for her to stand up from there. She did it though, once yesterday! Thankfully, I heard lots of movement and went in to sit her back down before she tried taking any steps. She really has trouble right now. Omar, her therapist, will be here tomorrow, so we will see how it goes. I got her in the wheelchair for supper, which she ate pretty good. Then I wheeled her in the living room, where she watched Andy Griffith DVD's while Tim and I ate in the kitchen. After we ate we sit in the living room with her and she looked at me after about 20 minutes and said I'm tired and think I want to go to bed. Wow! So I wheeled her in to her room and Tim helped me get her in bed. I covered her up, gave her a kiss and she was asleep before I left the room! She is on pain meds, a sedative (at night) and then a sleeping pill. That would be enough to knock out an elephant! She really needs to keep off her leg until it feels better, but I am afraid that she will have to start all over getting her strength back. She seems to be having a more restful sleep than she has had for awhile. She is not talking to "people" all night. And she is not snoring as much, so therefore not waking herself up. It is quiet in here, except for her breathing. And that's a good thing.

Friends

Today Rebekah's mom came over to stay with Mom for a couple of hours. This is the second time Mary has come to give me time away. She would come more, but I always hate to ask. Okay...I don't ask, Mary just calls and says she'll be over at a certain time and she shows up! But I know that she is there if I need her...that is an awesome feeling- to know someone who is not related to my mom is willing to come and be with her,take care of her and even change her underwear and clean her up if needed. I'm not sure that I would do that for anyone else. I hope I would, if the time ever arises. I was gone for two hours and when I got back Mary was sitting on the bed with Mom, showing her pictures of our grandchildren, Mom's great-grandchildren. We are all connected by those two precious babies, Cabot and Ainsley. Mom knew Cabot and called him by name, then told Mary she has never seen the baby. It makes me sad to know that Mom has a little great-granddaughter that she doesn't know. She has a 2 year old great-grandson , Ryan, in Florida that she has seen only one time. I am hoping that Mom is able to walk again without alot of pain and we are able to take her to Texas with us. Tim made the comment that I wouldn't enjoy myself if we took her, but there is more to life than just being able to enjoy it. It would me so much to me if Mom could see her Texas great-grandchildren. I would like for her to be able to see all of her great-grandchildren and grandchildren one more time before the Alzheimer's takes her mind completely. Mary showed her a picture of Jeremy and Mom said, "Jeremy Lynn". She hasn't seen Jeremy for quite some time, but that memory of him is still in her mind. One day the memories will all be gone. I don't know if I am prepared for that. But we'll take it one day, one moment at a time. But I just want to say- Thank you, Mary, for being there for me. You just can never understand how much that means to me! I truly do love you!

Weird Day

Tim and I just picked Mom up off the floor again...She rolls out of bed or lays on the edge, then tries to get up and just plops on the floor. Thankfully the bed is low and the floor is carpet. She seems unfazed by it all. I spent a couple of hours today talking to her about the past, as she remembers it. I was not Debbie. I'm not sure who I was...but we do get along better if she doesn't know me. (Imagine that!) She told me Debbie was 17 and was looking for a job...oh to be at that point of my life again! Barry had some sort of operation and Diana had just gotten married. She remembered she lived on Oliver Drive. She told me that her husband, her dad, her daughter, Debbie and her son Barry work at South Side Church of the Nazarene. She used to go to church there, but she just didn't agree with everything they taught. But she does agree with the teachings at South Side Church of God. I showed her a picture of Tim and I, Jeremy and herself at Jeremy's wedding. She immediately knew Jeremy. Tim was a little fuzzy...probably still looked like her Uncle Tim! She knew Carla and talked about "Krissie". Cabot and Ryan Jarrett are brothers (she has their pictures in her purse) and Lauren doesn't have any children. She is just a baby herself. She talked about Robby and Shawn, but I'm not sure she knew exactly who they were connected with. Ryan is in school and has a sweet girlfriend. She has been married 3 times...her first husband was hit by a car crossing the road. She even described what he looked like when she saw his dead body. Morose, huh? Gerald was married to someone else, before they got married. I don't know what her name was. Her mother and dad are still alive and she sees them almost every night, along with Gerald. Gerald bought her a dog yesterday, but she hasn't seen it yet. He has to take it home and give it a bath.
We talked about lots of disconnected things! But I listened and agreed with it all.

At 5 pm she took her sleeping pills and other meds. She went to bed at 6- 6:30 pm. She hasn't been asleep yet. It is now 11:10 pm. I just gave her another sleeping pill around 45 minutes ago. They obviously do not work. I am kinda at my wits end with the sleeping pills. Why don't they work? I know they would kick my butt, if I took a half of one. I'm sure this will be another sleepless night for me. At least until early in the morning, when I fall asleep and then she gets up and I don't hear her. Thankfully, Tim usually does. I am going to move things around tomorrow and put a small couch in her room where I will be able to sleep. Maybe then I'll be able to hear her get up then. I just went in her room for the 6th time to get her laid back down. This time I brought her out and sit her in the recliner. I guess she will sleep there the rest of the night. If that works, she may sleep there every night. I just know she is going to fall and hurt herself and I don't want her to do that. This has just been weird day. She just said she was going to the airport. Hope she has a good trip!

Busy All the Time

I don't have much time to sit and blog now, Mom is very mobile and I have to watch her like a hawk! I told her yesterday, that I have to watch her like a hawk and she looked at me and said "Don't call me a hawk." Oh, well. She is constantly talking about going home. Her big thing today is that her uncle is coming to see her. So I told her that when her uncle comes, he can take her home. That made her happy. Made me happy too, until I realized who her uncle is she is waiting for. UNCLE TIM! She keeps talking about Uncle Tim and that she is going home with him. She also told me there's nothing "funny" going on with them, he is just her uncle! Whew! That made me feel better! So I had to call Tim and tell him not to come home for awhile. He was going to see his mom at the hospital, then go to the garage anyway! He thought that was pretty funny that he was her uncle! Now she is going through her purse, trying to find money for a ticket home. Don't know what the ticket is for- train, plane, automobile- she can't tell me that. She asked how much the ticket was and I told her $400. Just another Alzheimer Lie! Tim said he hopes that I don't get used to lying. Well, I try to exaggerate my lies just so they can't be believable to the "normal" people. Oh, I am surrounded by the not so normal people. I thought I would clip Sterling, so I got started, Mom was watching me at the kitchen table. She got bored with that and wondered off. So now I have a dog that is partially clipped- back first, so he looks like a small, black lion. I called today about adult daycare...for Mom, not me. I think I will try to take her a couple times a week for a couple hours at a time. Maybe she needs something more than I can give her. I know what she did in the nursing home and I think we do alot more here than she did there. Maybe I should turn the TV off and just let her lay around doing nothing. I know they kept her from wandering by tying her in her wheelchair. Daily, for hours at a time. I just can't do that. I did tie a piece of material around her the other day in her wheelchair, so I could take a shower. She didn't even know it was there. She was watching TV. She has fallen 3 times since Diana left. Her face looks so much better, from where she hit the wall. Her black eyes have turned yellow and her scab is looking better. She didn't hurt herself the 3 times that she fell, but it is just unnerving. And I can't tell her anything, because she gets mad at me. So I will be very busy for the next few weeks. I don't think the medicine the doctor gave her has done one thing to help. We'll just bear with it for awhile to see if she gets better.

Physically Better, Mentally Out to Lunch

The better she feels physically the more confused she becomes. I guess maybe because she understands some things and it is confusing to her. When she didn't feel well, she didn't question anything. Now she questions everything! She was determined to go see her sister, but she couldn't find her keys. Well, she has no keys, only a key chain. So, I used one of my Alzheimer lies, telling her that the car needed a new motor and they had to go to Japan to get one. Hey, if I'm going to lie, I might as well make it a good one! She would accept that, but two minutes later ask me the same thing, I answered that same question about her car 15 times! Finally, I wrote it down for her. She took the paper and read it and stuck it in her pocket. She hasn't asked me again about her car. Then she wanted to have hamburgers delivered. I told her they don't deliver hamburgers and she told me they used to at home. Oh well, just another reason to try to leave here. She hasn't made any sense today at all, not being able to finish sentences and asking about her "little ones." I don't know what time period she is in right now. Yesterday, she talked about Barry coming for supper and I told her that he went to Ohio. She wanted to know who he went with. Without thinking I said his wife. Wrong thing to say! She had this horrible, confused look on her face and said, " He's married? When did he do that?" I changed the subject quickly, realizing that Barry, in her mind, was probably very young. I try hard not to add to her confusion, but sometimes I really screw up! Like yesterday, when she told me she had been to Aunt Florence's with Grandma and saw the twins. I was half listening and in one of my "funny" moods, so I told her that I had been to Florida. She got very serious and said, "Who did you go with?" I told her myself. She looked at me and said, "If you go again, I will go with you." I felt so bad. This was in the early afternoon. When I put her to bed, she said to me, "What time are we getting up to go in the morning?" I said, "Where are we going?" She looked at me and said, "We're going to the airport." She had not forgotten. She knows that Florida has "something" there that she wants to see. Thankfully, she had forgotten about her "trip" this morning when she woke up. My sense of humor will get me in trouble one of these days. Right now she is taking a little catnap. She ate a late breakfast, so she will have a late lunch. I am really undecided whether I want her physically strong, or mentally less confused. Whatever, it is what it is.

Expectations

I found this poem while doing research on Alzheimer's. I have had some rough days since I've been back from Texas and was trying to find some ideas that might help. Instead I found a poem that put it all in perspective...again.

Do not ask me to remember.
Don't try to make me understand.
Let me rest and know you're with me.
Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.

I'm confused beyond your concept.
I am sad and sick and lost.
All I know is that I need you
To be with me at all cost.

Do not lose you patience with me.
Do not scold or curse or cry.
I can't help the way I'm acting,
Can't be different 'though I try.

Just remember that I need you,
That the best of me is gone.
Please don't fail to stand beside me,
Love me 'till my life is done.- Unknown

I just needed a reminder that "the best of my mom" is gone and will never be back. I needed a reminder that I can't try to reason with her...she has no reasoning skills left. At the beginning of this ordeal, I said she was like a 4 year old, just like Cabot. I was so wrong. She is nothing like Cabot. Cabot can be reasoned with, Cabot understands what you expect him to do, Cabot can purposely try your patience. Mom can't be reasoned with, she doesn't understand what you want her to do and she does try your patience, but not on purpose. I thought if I could treat her like a 4 year old, everything would be okay. That doesn't work at all. This Alzheimer's disease is cruel and sometimes unexplainable. So now, I have this poem on my mirror in the bathroom, on my refrigerator, on my sewing table. And when I forget that all she needs from me is love, I can read this poem again and again. I need to understand that I can have no expectations from her. But she deserves one expectation from me...just to love her. And I do.

No Sleep

Shortly after I thought Mom was asleep for the night, she woke up. I convinced her to take two Tylenol PM. She couldn't understand that she needed to swallow them and finally said to me, "Do you want me to make them disappear?" I said yes, so she took another drink and swallowed them. She laid back down for about 5 minutes and got up again. This time I took her in the living room, where she sit in her chair with the foot rest propped up so she couldn't get up, for two hours. Keep in mind, I started trying to get her in bed at around 6:30 pm. Now at 1:30 am she is still awake. I had to move the light by the chair...she kept trying to turn it on. Finally, I went in the kitchen, stuck another Lunesta in applesauce and gave it to her. Then I walked her back to bed, where at this time- 2 am- she is snoring...again. The first Lunesta I gave her was 8 hours ago! Obviously, those do not work or she needs a larger dose. Whatever. I do hope the new sleeping meds work. Tomorrow at this time I hope I am asleep. Because if I'm asleep, Mom's asleep. Which will make all of us happy!

These are trying times

I lost my "blog" for awhile...it disappeared from my dashboard. But what was once lost is now found! I have had a very trying evening again. I called the doctor's office early this morning, so he could call in a new script for sleeping pills for Mom, but that didn't happen until 6 pm, after the pharmacy closed. Real helpful, right? Anyway, Mom did take her pills tonight with no problem, but got stubborn shortly after, refusing to get her gown on, refusing to go to the bathroom, refusing everything! She was sitting on the bed and got up to get her nightgown, which she already had on, bent down to pick up a napkin from the floor and promptly fell over, hitting her mouth on a metal shelving unit. Thankfully she didn't bleed, but bruised her arm. After getting her back on the bed, she wanted to tell me that I boss her around too much. Duh! Anyway, after about 15-20 minutes of waiting for her to cooperate, she finally decided to lay down. She kissed me, told me she loved me and I left the room. Too bad it didn't end there. She has been up twice now, and is laying in there talking to whoever is in her room. She sees Barry every night (according to her and she also sees Gerald, who told her that the doctor didn't tell her she had to be in bed by a certain time!) I don't know what has caused this sudden behavior, except she does feel better, so she is her stubborn self and the doctor told me that I didn't need to give her one of her Alzheimer meds. I am starting her back on that tomorrow, along with the new pill the doctor called in. Maybe those two things together will make a difference. During the day, she is the sweetest little lady, but after 5:30 pm she changes so dramatically. I knew this wouldn't be easy, and it hasn't been, but it has been doable. These nights are making it hard. I really do want her to stay her through Christmas, but if the nights don't get better, she may be headed back to the nursing home. I knew from the beginning that this was temporary, but I sure wanted it to last longer than this. Barry and Carla are going to come out Monday around 5 or 6 to see what they can do. Maybe I just don't do something right. The good news right now is I hear her snoring on the baby monitor. There is no sound like it! It is good.

And it continues

The night didn't get much better. At midnight Mom was still awake and trying to get up. At one point, she unfastened the tabs on her underwear and took them off and threw them on the floor. (At least they were clean!) She told me she was waiting for Gerald. Up until then, I could not get her to take those stinkin' Tylenol. So I went in and got a Lunesta and told her Gerald wanted her to take that before he got there. She took it! Okay, maybe another deceptive way to get her to do something she doesn't want to do! Finally, around 3 am, she fell asleep enough that I got a couple hours of sleep. She was awake at 6:30 am! She was trying to take her underwear off again, so I used packing tape on them. Unique, huh? Anyway, I think she may be back to sleep, but who knows how long. I am hoping the home health aide comes today and I might be able to go downstairs and take a shower.

Rough Evening

I guess Mom probably senses something is different than it's been for a few days. I tried to get her to take her night pills,which she refused to take. Finally convinced her to take the "important" ones, but she refused to take the Tylenol PM. The doctor wasn't in today to call in a new script for sleeping pills so the nurse said not to give her the Lunesta, but to give her Tylenol PM. I tried to explain that to her after she refused them, but that just didn't work. You can't explain things like that to her. So now I think I am in for another sleepless night. She has no sleeping meds in her at all. I just sat at the kitchen table and cried. I keep saying I don't know how much longer I can do this. I don't want her not to get the care she needs just because I wanted to take care of her. I keep asking myself if I am doing the best thing for her. She is so easy to care for in the daytime, but turns into something else early evening. So now I am listening to her pray for her family, by name, making so much sense that it is scary. Alzheimer's is such a cruel disease. There is so much about it that is unexplainable. I hate the unknown. I want to know what I am up against. But I asked for this and I am going to try to tough it out. I don't believe for one second that it is going to get easier. It is only going to get harder and more frustrating. The few days I had away didn't really do me any good, because I saw what life was without taking care of Mom. I'm not ready to put her back in the nursing home yet. My goal was to try to keep her until after Christmas. I just wanted her here for the holidays one more time. Next Christmas, I don't think she will know anyone. Maybe, if the doctor can give her something to mellow her out in the early evening and a sleeping pill that doesn't cause vivid dreams, we'll have something to work with. I'll be calling the doctor in the morning. I don't want another evening like this one. Please pray for us.

Time Away

Last Friday Tim and I left for Texas. Diana came from Florida to stay with Mom while we were gone. We had a great time with the grandkids and our son and daughter-in-law. It had been awhile since I had been to church, so I really enjoyed being there for Homecoming! Saturday was a great day of singing, food and fellowship, then Sunday service was great with a dinner afterwards. It's a great church that Jeremy is serving at! But now it's back to reality! Diana left yesterday at around 2 pm. I think her and Mom had a good time...I don't know how much Mom will remember, but I'm sure Diana will remember it all! Mom had a restless night last night. Not sleeping much, even with the sleeping pill. I am giving the doctor a call today to ask about a different pill. I have read that Lunesta (the sleeping pill she is on now) causes vivid dreams. Well, she already sees and hears things that aren't there, so this pill may be causing her more trouble than it's worth. She is sleeping right now, after seeing cars coming at her and her bed being on fire! Never really a dull moment. I might take this opportunity to take a mini-nap. It could be a long day!

Where Have I Been?

We had a fairly good night last night after I finally got her convinced she was safe. Mom went to bed around 6 pm. She usually doesn't go right to sleep, but by the time Tim got home she was out! Tim had a couple of phone calls and talking quiet is not his "style." So Mom woke up. She could hear him talking and that confused her. I went in her room, where she was still laying in bed, but obviously searching for something with her hands. I asked what she was looking for and she said a flashlight. Anyway Tim came and talked to her for a couple of minutes and she finally went back to sleep. She slept all night. I went in to help her up for breakfast this morning and she was really confused. She asked me how my mother and dad were. So I asked her who I was. I was a cousin's girlfriend, a cousin, a sister, anyone but a daughter. Then I asked her if she had any children. Yes, but I can't think of them. So she thought for a minute and came up with our names. So then I said, I am Debbie. She looked at me and then responded, "Why do you look like that?" Well, of course, I figured okay, I have gained several pounds in the past 30 years, but my gut said that wasn't what she meant. I said, Mom, I am 55 years old. Do you know how old you are? She said no, and I told her she was 81. She just looked at me, so seriously, then said, Where have I been? I leaned over and hugged her, tears running down my face. I thought, Mom, you are still there and I don't think you are coming back. She was living in the past somewhere and I just don't know where. I still get glimpses of my mom, the mom I remember. But more and more, she is someone else, somewhere else. I just hope she's happy wherever she is.

Update on Tim's Mom

I don't think they removed her appendix...they might have, but they removed a large mass of infection in her colon. They actually had to remove part of her colon, but she won't have to have a "bag." She will be in the hospital for a week. The doctor said that in his opinion it looked good, meaning no cancer!

Just Another Day In...

Okay, not paradise! But overall, not a bad day. It started off on a bad note...I had to completely change Mom's sheets, comforter, pillow cases, mattress pad and her gown, plus give her a bath all before I could even start breakfast. The sleeping pills do make her sleep and rather soundly I believe! So her underwear just couldn't hold any more! That's okay. Been through it with my grandson, so it was really no big deal. She seems a little more "shaky" today and she did sleep for 2 or 3 hours this morning while I was out. My friend, Mary, Rebekah's mom came and stayed with Mom for a couple of hours while I went to eat lunch with Tim and ran to the Walmart. Mary said Mom asked her who she was a couple of times and didn't seem too distressed that she was there. She doesn't even know when I leave and when I come back. I think she will be okay when we go to Texas on Friday. I think it will be my sister that might need help! I took some really cute pictures yesterday of Mom, the dog and the therapist, but for some reason they didn't show up on my camera card. She didn't really want to do her therapy yesterday, so I told her to show the dog what she could do. So Sterling laid beside her while she did leg lifts, counting each one and saying to the dog, "Watch Mommy." He is such a good dog for her even though he can't hear her. He is really gentle and lets her pet him, while he lays on her lap. She does call him Buffy or Girl, but he doesn't care! (I took about a half hour here to get Mom to bed.) She took her pills before she ate tonight, which I didn't think anything about...but the sleeping pill kicked her rear, so I had to almost lift her into her wheelchair to get here in the bedroom! She is out like a light, snoring away! Last night, she was still awake two hours after taking her pill, and she kept wanting to get up. I finally went in there and sat down by her bed, where she was talking about whatever...She couldn't put two thoughts together at that point. I lay my head down on her pillow, right next to hers, and she took my hand and fell asleep. Almost like Cabot used to do, when he stayed all night here. She is like a child and I am her mom. We have made the full circle. From the day I was born until now. If this is how it has to be, then I wouldn't change one thing. It's a balancing act and I am still learning how to balance everything. Now, Tim's mom is in the operating room at Ball Hospital, with possible appendicitis. She had no symptoms of it, but her stomach hurt. A CT scan showed three or four places around her appendix. One of the doctors hinted at cancer. They will know in about an hour or two. My first instinct is to run...Leave, go away, move to Texas, Mexico, Florida, anywhere but here where reality resides. Reality is cruel and sometimes that fantasy world looks pretty good. But I'll stay here and face reality head-on. There really is no other way. I know that God is in control, no matter how out of control I feel. I guess this really isn't paradise. But it is what it is. And we will deal with it.

Third Good Day...But Who's Counting?

Yes, another good day in "make-believe land!" Mom went to bed last night at 6:30ish and I didn't hear from her until 6:15 am. She got up to use the bathroom, so I made her breakfast..okay, she wanted sugar cream pie! No sense in arguing with her. She did eat all of her pie, drank a whole glass of cranberry juice and drank a cup of coffee. Then she decided that, since it was still dark outside,she would go back to bed. So she did and slept for another couple of hours. When she got up for the second time, she watched game shows for awhile, then the visiting nurse came and spent some time with her. By then, Mom wanted lunch, so this time, she had meatloaf, mac & cheese, applesauce, bread and juice. She cleaned up her plate, as usual then I needed to make sure she got dressed. The therapist will be here soon. After she got dressed, by herself this time, she thought her bed looked pretty good, so she is taking a nap right now. She remembered the nurse and she has known me all day. The only really wacky comment she made was at breakfast, when I asked her if she wanted to watch the news. She said, "Well, if he wants to." I said, "Who is he?" She looked at me and said, "Your dad, silly." I just told her that I didn't think Dad would care what we watched and that was okay with her. She does live in the moment, wherever her mind has transported her to is where she is at. We just work with that. Sometimes the fantasy world is easier to handle that the real world. We'll take what we get!

A Good Sunday

After giving Mom Lunesta last night, she slept all night long! When she woke up she didn't seem any more confused than usual. Overall, we had a great day! I do miss going to church. I love the songs and the music and miss that most of all. But we play music here, it's just not the same. Anyway, she ate three good meals, watched game shows, played with the dog, conversed with me a little, and now is in bed. So I am waiting for Tim to get home, where we will be able to eat at the table and talk like normal people! Well, as normal as we get! Life can be interesting and if you allow it, never boring! All in all...a good Sunday!

All is Quiet...For Now

Mom seemed to be "out of it" most of the day today. She never really seemed to get her bearings like she usually does, by mid-morning. She ate well and drank water and juice and took her meds. But she didn't seem like she understood much of anything I said to her. After supper, I took her to her room and got her in her gown (last night she slept in her clothes.) Tim had just gotten home with her sleeping pills, so I gave her the sleeping pill, she crawled into bed and we haven't heard from her since. Actually, I do hear her breathing on the baby monitor, but she hasn't been up. Last night she was up messing around about every two hours. Hard to get a good nights sleep doing that. I think she was just tired today and she didn't nap any this afternoon either. She loves to watch tv...in the nursing home they never had it on for her, so all she did was sleep. Maybe I should turn it off in the afternoon to see if she'll take a little nap. She really does sleep better at night, if she has had a nap in the afternoon. Well, I am going to take this opportunity to get a bit of sleep myself. I don't usually go to bed until 1 or 2 am. She is changing my life! That's okay...I really wouldn't have it any other way!

Sleepless in Springport

Last night was not a real good night! Mom went to bed way too easy! Bad sign, I guess. She went to bed around 8 pm and was up at least every two hours. She would lay in her bed and talk to, whoever was in her mind at the time. Then she would get up and wonder around her room and mess with the tv, the dvd player, anything she could get her hands on. So around 3:30 am I walked her in the living room, and she sat in her recliner. Unfortunately, she can get up from there. Not to be outsmarted...I put the footrest up and stuck a tray under it, so she couldn't make it go down. She slept there for around 3 hours, then got up when Tim left for work. (I did let her up!) She went to the bathroom and said she wanted to go back to bed. So she got back in her bed for maybe an hour, then she was up and messing around again. Needless to say, I am a bit tired today. The doctor called in a prescription for Lunesta...I guess I will try that tonight. If it whacks her out like the Ambein, I guess it won't make much difference. Who could tell?

I am counting the days until we leave for Texas. Okay, I'm sure I won't want to come back, but at least I will have a few days of R & R. Well, as much rest as you can get when you are around a 4 year old and a 7 month old! But it will be fun!

A Good Day

We had a good day today...Mom, of course, is and always will be, confused. But she was not stressed today. So neither was I! She ate good, took her meds good, did well with her therapy and walked around a little by herself today. I have to watch her a little more than I did, since she is getting more mobile! Around 5 pm I took her to her room, where she watched tv, The Dick Van Dyke show and waited for the home care nurse. She got tired and laid on her bed and was asleep by the time the nurse got here. I just went it to check on her because I can hear her moving around. At night she becomes very, very confused and nothing she says makes any sense at all. I am always thankful when I hear her pray because that means she is trying to sleep. She usually prays herself to sleep! I am going to try to get some serious house cleaning done tomorrow, since Diana will be here Thursday! She will need a bed to sleep in! I hope Mom cooperates with me tomorrow and behaves herself!

Good Day Out

Mom had a doctors appointment today, so we ventured out. We ended up at Mac's for biscuits and gravy, but they had stopped serving them before we got there. Mom got a cheeseburger and fries and ate every last bite! Then I took her for a short ride, it was so beautiful today and we ended up at the doctors office. Everything was going as expected for an 81 year old Alzheimer patient. She had gained 4 pounds since moving in with me. Good for her, bad for me! The doctor seemed more concerned with my health then hers. I am doing well, at least I feel like I'm doing okay. Anyway, he wants to see her again in two months, unless something else comes up. He said her bad nights are the Alzheimer's and gave me a couple of suggestions. It didn't take too long to get her to bed tonight, she didn't fight me at all. She was just busy watching tv. She was dwelling on someone or something getting killed...before she went to sleep, I finally listened to the things she was saying...she talked about someone killing deer. Then I realized she had seen that on the Waltons. Okay, no more Waltons! Seems like game shows are the only safe thing she can watch, that doesn't upset her. She has trouble distinguishing what is real and what is not. I am going to look for some "bird" videos or animal video's (some where they don't get killed.) She enjoyed the birds at the nursing home, but I refuse to get birds!! I tried Cabot's Sesame Street videos,but those seems to stress her. I guess seeing a big yellow bird and a huge blue fuzzy monster would tend to confuse the already confused! I'll figure something out, but if anyone has any suggestions, they would be so much appreciated! I am pretty tired tonight, so I will write more tomorrow!

My Mom is back...for awhile

After last night, I really wasn't sure what to expect this morning. Would she forget she wanted to go home? Would she still be agitated at me? She woke up at 6:30 am. I heard her moving about, so I went to she what was going on. She was sitting on the bed, with one shoe on. I ask her if she was getting up and wanted something to eat. She thought for a minute, ask what time it was and decided it was just too early to get up and then laid back down, saying she was going back to sleep. I told her I would come and check on her later, she told me to be careful, she loved me and then she went back to sleep. Wow! This Alzheimer's thing is really freaky. Anyway, at 9 am she got up, I helped her to the bathroom, changed her Depends and got her dressed. She sat at the kitchen table, where she literally inhaled a big cheese danish, a glass of cranberry juice and a cup of coffee. She took her pills, with no problem and now she is snoozing in her chair. The home health aid will be by at noon, and I will go to Walmart and get her a new bra. She has a doctors appointment today, and I don't want her to go without one. Last night as she was finally getting ready to go to bed, she looked down in her shirt and said, "I don't have a bra on. Maybe that's what's wrong with me." She realizes that she "isn't right" and I think it really does scare her. It is heartbreaking to me to think she believes her problems can be solved with a bra. If only life were that simple.

Bad Bad Night

This is the worst night that we've had so far. We have been 2 1/2 hours trying to get Mom to bed. She was fine all day, but didn't nap much at all. She had therapy and the nurse both in today. She ate fine all three meals, but after supper, I left her sit at the table while I cleaned the kitchen. At 7:30 I started trying to get her in to her room, to watch tv or go to bed. She was convinced she was going home. I don't care how much I explained that she lived here, even showed her magazines that came here with her name on them, she was not staying. She was going to get in her car and drive home. Finally, I picked her up and put her in her wheelchair and took her in to her room. She sat in that chair for 20 minutes, when I finally got her to sit on the bed. But then she started picking up "stuff" and said she was going home. About that time Tim came home. I was ready to take her outside with her stuff and let her see how dark it was. Tim wouldn't let me. He got her to sit at the table and told her that he would look at her car in the morning, but she needed to stay here tonight. He finally convinced her to let him walk her in her room, where she sit on the bed and went through her purse, at least 6 times. Then she found a New Testament that I think used to be Grandpa Hunts. She had already "worked" on the cover, peeling the layers of paper apart. So she went to work on that again. I finally asked her, after about 10 minutes, why she was doing that. Her answer was, in the most serious tone she has, it must be the whiskey! I don't think my mom has ever touched a drop of alcohol in her life, but I could be wrong! I had been at the end of my patience until then. I started laughing, almost in tears! She just stared at me and I said, "Mom you are so funny." She answered, "I don't think I am." It is now about 10:40 pm and I finally convinced her to lay down. She is in there praying. Why does she make sense when she prays, when 5 minutes before that, nothing she said made any sense? She has a doctors appointment tomorrow. I am not even sure what to ask for. I would like to have some medication, that would help her relax after supper. It seems when it get dark, she turns into "Rainman." She was beyond Rainman tonight. Up until the whiskey comment, she was not being very "funny' at all. She was mad at me, but responded well to Tim. He did have to call her Mrs. Hickey a couple of times. I think I messed up again tonight, because I try to reason with her. Then she gets agitated. I guess you can't reason with the unreasonable. I wonder...did they give her some "medication" in the nursing home to turn her into a zombie? That is what she was, every time I went to see her. Now, that I have her at home...I believe I am seeing the Ruth with Alzheimer's. The real, unmedicated person, who is scared and confused and sometimes belligerent. She is no longer a zombie...but I'm not sure I can handle who she really is. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

BLESSED ARE THEY

I found this poem, author unknown, on an Alzheimer related website-

Blessed Are They

Blessed are they who understand
My faltering step and my shaking hand.

Blessed are they who know today
My ears must strain to catch what they say.

Blessed are they who never say,
"You've told that story three times today."

Blessed are they who know they ways
To bring back memories of yesterday.

Blessed are they with a cheery smile
Who've stopped on their way to chat a while.

Blessed are they who ease the days
On my journey Home with loving ways.

I just want to thank those who have come out to spend some time with my mom. I know she doesn't remember it in her mind, but I have to believe she remembers in her heart.

Winding Down

Mom had a busy day...the home health aid came and gave her a "bath" then the nurse came and took her vitals and gave her a manicure! She was going to trim her toenails but Mom had hid the toenail clippers...somewhere! She has had a good day...sleeping very little today. She still thinks she is either at her house or somewhere else, but everytime I tell her this is my house, she seems so surprised! I did have to insist that she allow the aid to bathe her and she told the aid that she wasn't very happy with her "sister" talking to her like that! I still get tickled that she thinks I'm Doris, but she always said that I reminded her of Doris. That's okay...I love my Aunt Doris! Anyway, she wasn't mad at "Debbie" because Doris made her take a bath! I don't know what tonight will hold...she becomes more agitated when the sun goes down. I loving call her "Rainman" and for you who have seen the movie, you will understand! She is waiting for me to go make her supper, if I can find anything to fix in "her" kitchen. Well, I am sure I will find something good!

She's Back!....Almost

Last night getting Mom to bed was difficult...She kept looking for electrical outlets on her bed. She practically tore the bed apart trying to find "them." I had to take all the extra pillows off her bed, because they seemed to be an issue with her. She did put her gown on by herself, though. I had a plug in night light in her room from the beginning, but as she became more "alert", she messed with it. Turning it off and on, covering it up, etc. So a few nights ago I took it out of her room. I don't know if that is what spurred the "electrical outlet" thing or not. I couldn't convince her to go to the bathroom before she went to bed, so I knew she would probably get up later. So around 3:30 a.m. she did get up...I heard her in her room and got up to help her. She told me thank you a few times and got back in to bed and went to sleep. Around 7 a.m. I got up and noticed her door was opened. (she always has it closed) I peeked in and she was in bed asleep. So I went in to the bathroom and noticed that she had "pottied" and obviously got back up by herself and got herself back to bed! Amazing! At 9 am I heard her moving around in her room, so I let her do whatever she was doing and then went to check on her. She had gotten herself dressed, shoes, socks, and all! I was amazed again! I told her I was going in to fix her breakfast and she said she was hungry. So I was fixing breakfast and she walked out of her room and in to the bathroom. So I walked over and peeked in the bathroom, where she was standing in front of the mirror combing her hair! Now you've got to understand...she has never done that since she has been here and I don't think she did that in the nursing home. I went back to fixing breakfast, not letting her know that I saw her. She walked out in to the kitchen and I had her sit in her wheelchair. Like I said before, it is just easier to push up to the table. So I put her plate in front of her and left the room. She will usually sit for around 20 minute and eat. I heard her moving around, but didn't think much of it. A few minutes later I walked back in the kitchen and she had gotten out of her wheelchair and was sitting in a kitchen chair, eating her breakfast! So for now, I will retire that wheelchair! That is the only time I use it- for her to eat in. She took her pills and finished her breakfast. Then she asked me,"Is that a baby Debbie is holding in there?" She could see the couch, where I had left a blanket and her stuffed pink elephant. Her eyesight isn't very good, so she thought someone (me) was holding a baby. So I got down in front of her and said, "Who am I?' She said, "Well, you are you." "No, what is my name?" "Well, I can't think of it right now." "I am related to you?" "Probably." "I am Debbie, your daughter." "Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I know that." Then she hugged me! So, today, this morning, Mom was back...almost. Tonight...well, we'll see.

Our First Fun Outing!

Mom woke up this morning wanting to go home...It's hard to explain to her that she is home. She just doesn't feel like she's home. So rather than spend any time trying to convince her she was home, I decided to take her out in the wonderful Indiana sun. Yes, we got home from "Florida" sometime last night! Anyway, I put her clothes on the couch beside her and asked her to get dressed. Then I got ready. By the time I got finished, she had actually gotten dressed and put her shoes and socks on. We got out to the car, with on problems at all, and into the car, again, no problems. We took off down the road and she commented on the cows and the trees. We drove down Madison Street, where she did recognize some of the scenery. I took her to one of her favorite places....The Attic Window! I went in and got a wheelchair, and pushed her around the thrift store, where she found about 5 long sleeved shirts and 5 pair of slacks that she liked. So we spent $20.04 and then went to Lee's Famous Recipe Chicken where we both got chicken liver dinners. We took them home and sat at the table to eat. She ate almost all of hers and took her medicine with no questions. So now she is in her chair, dozing and talking in her sleep! I know she probably won't remember that we went anywhere, but for a few brief minutes, she was happy and almost "Mom-like!" We are going out again this week, to the doctor on Thursday. I hope she enjoys her time away from the house. It won't be long before the weather will change and keep us prisoners out here on the hill!

Spending the Day in Florida

Today, Mom woke up in Florida with Diana. I have been Diana all day! Sometimes she slips and calls me Debbie, but she corrects herself and calls me Diana. She seems a bit more confused today and has been taking a few cat naps. She didn't eat very well for lunch, but maybe she'll eat a good supper. We had pizza for lunch, so I will cook her something. She does eat better if I cook. I think I will get the leftover meatloaf from the freezer and fry some potatoes. She has been paying more attention to the dog today, calling him "girl" and "Buffy." It's probably good he can't hear, that could really give him a complex! Well, I am going to soak up the "Florida sun" and hey, maybe I'll take a quick trip to the beach!

A Night Out!

Thanks to Barry, Carla, Lauren, Bella, Tina and Ryan I got a much needed night out! I took myself to the Outback and had a filet mignon! There was an hour wait and I really didn't want to waste that hour waiting, so I sat at the bar. Not a bar table, but AT THE BAR! I watched a football game, and listened to 5 pilots from Fishers talk about their airplanes. They were waiting for a table. They were in Muncie for some sort of meeting. It was just nice to get out and listen to people who actually made sense! Stopped at Walmart to get childproof doorknob covers and some snacks, ran into an old friend and talk to her for 20 minutes. Then home again. They had Mom in her room and in bed, but when I looked in on her, she seemed stressed. She could hear people outside her room and it bothered her. For the first time since she's been here, she wanted to lock her door. It took me awhile, but I finally got her settled down and in to bed to stay. She is asleep now and I hope she has a good night's rest. Anyway, thanks, you guys for coming to visit so I could get away. Maybe we'll have another party sometime in the future!

Just Another Day

Things changed from my last post...Mom did wake up around 11 pm last night and wanted to chat again. She was very confused...talked about lots of things that didn't make much sense to me, and I did a lot of agreeing with her. After about an hour of this, I told her I was going to bed and she should to. I asked her at least 6 times if she needed to go to the bathroom. No, No, No... I could make her go in there, but I guess that takes aways some of her independence. Anyway, got her to bed and about 5 minutes later, I hear her open the closet door. She thinks thats her bathroom. Anyway, I went in there and she told me she was looking for the toliet. Okay, after that was done, I gave her a Tylenol PM and she went to bed and went to sleep. Two hours after I tried to get her to bed. Maybe I should have started sooner! Well, she slept until 7 am. That's a good thing, sometimes though she sleeps until 9 a.m. She was very confused this morning when she got up. She told me I was talking too loud, that I was going to wake up the men...She then looked in her room! Really, we don't let her entertain the opposite sex! I had to convince her there were no men here, or no women, just us. She was just very confused. She took a little nap before lunch and when she woked up, she seemed to know she was in "that house on the hill." She remembered being here before, when her uncle used to own the house. Oh well, she can't get everything right! She ate a good breakfast and she just got finished with lunch. She is now sitting in the recliner watching games shows, and trying to sleep. She has vivid dreams, sometimes reaching out to try to touch someone, or this moring, she must have been dreaming about one of us kids, 'cause she had her arms positioned like she was holding a baby, and she said,"Give Mommy a kiss, " and held the "baby" up to her lips and kissed it! It was sweet, but funny, because then she said, "You didn't kiss Mommy, did you?" Then she woke up. I think as she gets stronger, her mind, even though very confused, knows that something isn't right. But so far, she is very cooperative, in her time.

Good, Good Day!

Mom had a busy day, but a good day. She did very well with her therapy today. The therapist said that she is getting stronger every time he sees her. He also gets her to drink a glass of water while he is here. She needs the water for her UTI. After he left, she got a nap in sitting on the couch, then the home nurse came, very late, around 6:00 and she took Mom's vitals, checked her feet, and had her brush her teeth and tongue. Those are things that I couldn't do or get her to do. After the nurse left we ate supper, meatloaf, mashed potatoes, applesauce, green beans, rolls. She drank a glass of water and a glass of juice. She sit at the table while I cleaned the kitchen and played with the dog. She calls him Buffy. He doesn't care, because he is deaf. If you have food, he doesn't care what you call him! Anyway, I took her in her room for her to watch tv and she wanted to lay on her bed. Needless to say, as you can see by the pictures she didn't watch too much tv! I don't know how long she will sleep like that, but...I'm not going to wake her up! I am looking forward to tomorrow night...Carla, Lauren and Belle are coming around 6 pm so Tim and I can get out for awhile! That will be a real treat! Here's hoping that tomorrow will be as good as today. Oh, I forgot to say that the nurse said her urine was clear now, not cloudy, so that is a good thing!

Almost "Normal?"

Mom woke up this morning at 5:50am, got up and went to the bathroom by herself. I heard her and got up, walked into the bathroom and she looked at me and said, "Good morning, Honey!" Wow! She knew it was morning? It was dark. How does she do that? I had to help her up, but she pulled up pants up, washed her hands, and went back to bed! Then around 3 1/2 hours later, I went in and told her I was fixing breakfast. She told me she would get up. I went back to fixing breakfast and then went to her room, expecting to have to help her up, get her robe...No, she was standing up, no shirt, but had her pants on and was looking for a top to put on. I gave her one, helped her get it over her head, she sat on the bed and put her shoes on, walked out to the kitchen, sat down and is still eating! I believe she has eaten almost everything on her plate- 2 scrambled eggs with cheese, fried potatoes, sausage patties, 2 pieces of toast with jelly and a glass of juice. We may not eat again until supper. I already have the meatloaves in the oven. I try to fix more than we eat in one or two meals. That way, we heat and eat! Well, I'm off to clean the kitchen up, so I will let you know how our day is progressing. She will be occupied awhile today, she has therapy and then a health care nurse is coming out, since Mom was in the hospital. Anyone who wants to come and visit Mom is more than welcome here. It's only a short drive from Muncie.

Bad Morning, Good Evening

We had a bad start this morning...but we ended up on a good note! Mom's mind was pretty out in left field this morning. She finally did sleep a couple of hours in her chair and was asleep when the home health aide came to give her a bath. I took that opportunity to run in to Walgreens to pick up supplies for Mom. We added a toilet seat riser today and she got along well with that. When I got back I fixed her lunch, which of course, she ate completely! She then went to her chair again to watch game shows. At 3 pm the physical therapist came for an hour. She responds well to him. He is foreign and just a little hard to understand, but he acts out what he wants her to do and she will do it! She got up and down from the couch about 4 times, to walk with her walker. He can always get her to drink a big glass of water, which she needs due to the UTI. After he left, she wanted a cookie, which she ate and drank some juice. She had to go to the bathroom, of course, again, too late, but after we got her cleaned up, she was tired and ready to lay down! She lay on her bed and slept for around two hours. I got her up for supper, where I fixed left over spaghetti, but it took her so long to eat it, it kept getting cold! I heated it up twice and then finally made her a grilled cheese, which she ate, along with potato chips and pudding. It was late when she was finished...around 8:15 so I sat her in her room and turned her tv on. She laid down in her bed and went to sleep. So I went in and tried to get her to put on her gown, but she didn't want to, so I laid it by her and told her when she was ready she could put it on. Around 15 minutes later I walked back in there and she had the gown on, and acted like she was seeing me for the first time today! I sat down on the bed with her and we talked for about 15- 20 minutes. She talks and I just basically agree with her! I don't always know what I am agreeing to, but it's easier on me to just agree. She finally said she was tired and I got up, she laid down and I could hear her praying, then she fell asleep. I don't know what tomorrow will bring but tonight was a good night.

Punk Rocker Mom!

Here are a couple of pictures of Mom after I put product in her hair! She closes her eyes alot...I think she thinks that makes me and the camera go away!

Confusion Abounds in Springport

We had a couple of good days, but last night, she went from pleasantly confused to just plain confused! She was tired around 8 pm so I thought it would be a good time to help her get ready for bed. It took me at least 10 minutes to convince her to get up from her chair. She analyzed every thing in the living room, to determine if it were on or off, tried to convince me that the front door was opened and wanted to take her purse to bed. Okay the purse thing was reasonable. She doesn't go anywhere without it. So I got it for her, but she didn't think it was hers, even though it has her name on it. So I opened it and inside found she had put the box of Kleenex in there! She has been fascinated by them...she had opened them from the bottom a couple of days ago, so I taped the box shut, opened them properly and set them by her. So she had opened the box this time from the side and stuck them in her purse. She is so much like a child. I really do have to "watch" her! Anyway, I got her to the bathroom, got a gown on her and led her to her room. She sat down on the bed, chattering about...well, I don't really know. Everything was jumbled in her mind. I finally convinced her to lay down, which she did and she went right to sleep. But around midnight, she was up...and I couldn't convince her that she needed to go back to bed. She still has that stubborn streak, and I got a lot of jumbled words about people bossing others around. Guess that was directed to me. She wasn't going to lay down, but she did sit on the bed. I gave her a sleeping pill, hoping to buy me a couple hours of sleep. So then I just turned the light off and sat in the chair in her room. She, of course, immediately forgot I was in the room. She sat there for about 5 minutes, then laid down, covered up and went to sleep. Then at 7 am she was up messing with the baby monitor in her room. I walked in and she was sitting on the end of the bed, trying to take the monitor apart! She had the closet door opened, so I knew she was looking for the bathroom. I took her in there...too late, got her cleaned up and now she is sleeping in the recliner in the living room. That is after she told me, she had been getting things down from the attic! Oh well, I guess this is par for the course. I am going out to the kitchen to make breakfast, maybe that will help. I know it won't hurt!

Time For a Haircut!

Okay...I really can't cut hair and you may even notice that in the picture! But I haven't been able to get Mom out of the house yet to get her hair cut, so...this is what we came up with!

It is still kinda wet in the picture. If I put enough "stuff" on it I think it would really "spike" good! Diana, you might have to even it out when you get here! Oh, well, it will grow out and by then, maybe she'll be able to go get it cut for real! Tim's mom got me some shampoo that you just rub in the hair and doesn't need to be rinsed. That will be good to have. Mom has had a good day today. Has eaten well and was very cooperative with the therapist. He got her to drink a big glass of water. Why won't she listen to me?! I even went out and bought some "scrubs" to wear, but I don't think they fooled her one bit! Right now she is watching Andy Griffith and waiting for me to turn it to the game shows. I am taping NCIS and she can't watch that, so I stick in a dvd until it is done taping. You really can watch too many game shows! Really!

Well, I need a haircut desperately myself...I am going to go hide the scissors!

What a Difference Two Weeks Makes

I had a different lady in my house today...She looked like my mom, was still confused like my mom, but was so alert and talkative! She slept all night and around 9 am I heard her stirring in her bed, so I opened her door and she looked at me and said , "Well, hi honey, I wondered where I was at." I sat and talked to her for a few minutes, told her I was going to make her breakfast, so she sat up in her bed and waited for me to come back to get her after I got breakfast ready. She told the dog that "Debbie is going to make your breakfast too." So I know she knew who I was. She ate okay, but not great...but she did drink some Sunny D and a glass of water. I am trying to push water, water, water because of the UTI. Thanks to Kristen, I know now not to give her orange juice or anything citrus with the UTI. I do know that she drank about 4 glasses of OJ at the nursing home. After breakfast she was ready to watch tv (game shows) and as long as I was in her sight, she would talk to me. Sometimes I sit behind her chair on the couch and she can't see me and forgets I'm in the room! The home health aide came out and bathed her and got her dressed, while I ran to the store for a few more things. (Eggs are hard to keep in the house now.) When I returned after about an hour, I made her lunch and she ate all of it and asked for more chicken (first time she asked for more!) She had her usually potty time after lunch and then said she would like to lay down for awhile. She walked in her room, pulled her covers down and crawled in to bed. I think she was asleep before her head hit the pillow. She slept for a couple of hours, and then I heard her open the door to her room. She came walking out with her shoes on and said, "Hi Honey, I wondered were you were." She wanted to watch more tv, so we watched the Waltons...she kept trying to get me to turn it by saying, "If you don't want to watch this you can turn to whatever you want." I guess she was getting sick of the Waltons! She ate a good supper, had a piece of cake and sat at the table watching me craft again. Around 8 pm she said "I could just go to sleep right here." I asked her if she wanted to go to bed and she said yes. I took her to the bathroom, got her in her gown, she walked to her room and went to bed! Now I don't know why the turnaround and if it is only temporary, but I do believe she has been sick with this UTI for awhile. She never had a fever and I didn't notice anything different with her than I had seen in the nursing home for awhile. I feel bad to know that she was here for two weeks before I noticed she was ill. Well, I didn't notice it...she just couldn't get out of bed! She still thinks this is her house at times and can't figure out how I get in, she still looks outside and thinks she sees snow on the ground, she still thinks her bedroom closet is her bathroom, but today for the first time she was more able to communicate with me than she has for quite sometime. So tomorrow morning, I hope that strange lady that I call Mom is still here! And still wants to talk, because I love having her here to talk to. Like I said, what a difference two weeks makes!

Bump in the Road

We didn't make it to the doctor today...but we got a ride to Ball Hospital! I went in this morning to get Mom up and get her ready to go to her doctor's appointment. I asked her if she wanted to go to McDonald's and she said that sounded good. But, when I asked her to get up, she told me her back hurt. Well, as you know, we have all heard that before! I then asked her if I could help her sit up. But when I tried, she cried out, no, no, my back, it hurts. She was lying flat on her back and really couldn't move. I could tell she was trying, but it was just too painful. Okay, now what do I do? I called her doctor, and they suggested just calling an ambulance if I couldn't get her sit up. Called 911 where they determined she wasn't in distress, so they called "the Sheriff's Ambulance". I'm sure that means something, I just don't know what. Anyway, the paramedics came, assessed her, gave her a shot of Demerol, put her on the gurney and took her to the hospital. I followed them there and on the way called Barry, who met us out there. To make a long story short, she has a urinary tract infection. The doc said that would cause her back pain. He gave her 5 days of antibiotic and said to have her drink lots of water. She loved the doctor...As soon as he came in she wanted to hug him, then while he was examining her she pulled him over and kissed the top of his head, looked at him and said...do you want to lay down with me? I thought Barry and I were going to lose it!! She is absolutely adorable sometimes! Anyway, I got her home, took her to the bathroom and she went in her room and sat on the bed. I didn't want to give a a lot to eat, she "sort of" threw up in the car on the way home. So she had a few saltine crackers and a "sippy cup full of water." She doesn't do well with a straw anymore, and she gets choked just drinking from a glass, so I tried one of Cabot's sippy cups. I took the valve out, so the water would come out easily. It worked! She drank almost a full glass. I started this post at 10 pm, but got tired and fell asleep. She was sleeping then and now at 5 am, I am finishing this and she is still sleeping. I am going to reschedule her doctor appointment today, because I want him to still see her. Then he can make sure her infection has cleared up. I guess we will hit bumps sometimes. I thought yesterday, as she was lying in bed here at home, that we were going to have to put her back in the nursing home. That was before we found out in was just what it was. I was thinking she had a severe back problem, that I wouldn't be able to handle her. But it turned out to be just a bump. I hope we stay on a smooth road for awhile!

Our First Outing

Yes, we are going to venture out today...not because I really want to , but Mom has a doctors appointment at 1 pm. It should, at the least, be interesting! I think we will stop and eat lunch somewhere. I can't get the wheelchair in my car, so I'm not sure how this is going to turn out. I do have her walker, she can sit on it and I can push her, but not through parking lots, etc. We'll manage...I am sure she will be so tired when we get home that she will sleep for hours!
Speaking of sleeping, she is still in la la land...I think this is night 3 or 4 where she has slept without getting up. Well, if you can count yesterday, when Tim got up at 6 am and looked in at her. She was on her knees by the side of the bed. It brought back memories of when as a child I would look in her and dad's room and they would be by their bedside, praying. Well, I don't think that was Mom's intentions this time. She must have slide out of bed and got in that position. I know she hadn't been there long, I had just looked in on her at 5 pm. Anyway, Tim got her back in bed and she went back to sleep for 3 more hours. She was really out of it yesterday afternoon, but I discovered something important. If I respond to her with agitation, she picks up on that and responds in the same way. If I can just walk away and stay calm, then she, in turn, stays calm. Learning everyday!

What is Normal?

When Mom was in the nursing home she was sleeping alot. I would get so upset, because I figured no one cared enough to turn on her television or motivate her mind. I decided that I would let her watch games shows and the Waltons, and that I would try to spend time with her helping her look at pictures, etc. That seemed to work for a few days. Today, she is back to sleeping. She didn't get out of bed until 11:30 although I tried to get her up earlier. Needless to say when she did get up, her clothes were soaked and her bed needed changed. I had to bathe her before she could even eat. I fixed spaghetti and garlic bread and gave her a good portion. I went about my business, I moved her bedroom around, stripped the bed, washed a load of clothes and loaded the dishwasher. It took her awhile, but she ate every bite! But she just doesn't seem too perky today. I had her sit in her chair to watch Let's Make a Deal, and she fell asleep immediately. I think she may have a cold, she goes to the doctor tomorrow. That should be fun! Anyway, I am still searching for the answer to that question "What is Normal?" Maybe, wacked (sorry, one of my favorite words) is her normal. Sometimes I think its mine!

Learning Process

Well, my fault I guess. I let Mom stay up until 10:30 pm. She was watching the Waltons and kept telling me she wanted to finish watching the show. Okay, nice guy that I am, let her stay up. She is, after all, 81 years old! BIG MISTAKE! When she gets very tired, she gets very uncooperative. No, she wasn't going to bed right then- no, she wasn't going to use the bathroom- and no, she wasn't putting on her gown, she was sleeping in her clothes. Guess who won? For you who know me, you may think I did, but NO, she won! I tried reasoning, threats (I am calling the doctor and he will come over and make you go to the bathroom and charge you lots of money). I tried pouting (never worked for me as a kid, either). So, she laid down in her bed, covered herself up, and was asleep before I even left the room. She did try to keep her shoes on, but I won that one! Other than that, we had a real good night. She had grilled cheese and chips for supper, that is her light meal of the day. She ate every single bite! She took her pills, but never really understands why she has to take them. She talked to Tim for a minute and watched me work on a photo calendar. She seems to enjoy sitting at the table. I put "stuff" in front of her that she can "mess" with. She likes to fold and refold things. Maybe I should give her my laundry to fold! Anyway, I have a feeling that taking care of Mom will continue to be a learning process. That's okay. We should never stop learning!

A New Day

I woke up at 4 am this morning...after sleeping for about 5 hours. That is plenty of sleep for me, I don't require too much! Mom got up this morning at 8:30 am, ready to eat breakfast. She knew who I was and sat at the table while I got breakfast ready. She ate a little over 2 scrambled eggs and two pieces of toast and jelly and drank a good size glass of juice. She took her pills, with hesitation and agreed to let me clean her up. So, after her bath, I got her dressed and she is now sitting in her room watching the Waltons. (As you can see by the picture, she fell ASLEEP watching the Waltons!) She usually takes a little catnap around this time. The problem is when she wakes up, I never know what she will be like. Sometimes she's very confused after a nap. Then we just start over again! There is one thing about this staying at home with her...It never gets boring! Well, this morning was a new day, now after nap, it may be ANOTHER new day!

Trying to Understand

I spent a few hours searching the Internet for an acceptable technique, a well-kept secret or just some useful pointers to help me know how to care for someone with Alzheimer's. I wanted to find a list, numbered from 1 to whatever, of things that I could say or do in certain situations. I found out that all Alzheimer patients are not created equal. I found out that whatever I do, well, is hit and miss. I found out that what might work today, has no chance of working tomorrow. I found out that, like the name of this blog, every moment truly is a new one. Not only for Mom, but for her caregiver. I found out that it doesn't do either of us any good for me to get visibly upset. I have learned that lying to someone with Alzheimer's sometimes in the only way to get them to cooperate. Like telling Mom that if she doesn't let me change her Depends and the sheriff finds out, he will probably write her a ticket! She understood that and let me change them. I found out that a sense of humor is the only way I am going to make it through this. I find myself laughing at some of the crazy things I tell her, because if someone would say those things to me, I would think they were insane! But to her, those things make perfect sense. So, I have come to the conclusion that I can stop trying to understand. There are some things that are beyond understanding. Alzheimer's must be one of them.

Why?

After a wonderful day yesterday and a night of 7 hours of uninterupted sleep, the day today has been a day of confusion. Mom was okay when she woke up this morning at 5 am, just a little confused, but she was cooperative. She ate her breakfast, all of it and took a little morning nap. But the confusion stayed with her. She didn't understand why she had to take her pills and kept trying to get me to take them. She did well with the bathroom, but wanted to mess with everythng within her reach while sitting there. I had to move everything out of her reach! She had the air freshener spraying it and then tried to get the unmovable lid off. She was like a 2 or 3 year old. Lunch was good, again she ate everything I put in front of her and then I offered her a piece of cake, which she ate right down! Her pills were an issue again, but she only had one and she did take it. She watched me scrapbook for about 20 minutes, then started calling me Betsy. I ask her if she knew who I was. She stared at me and said you are my daughter. I asked her my name. She is pretty savy when it comes to avoiding questions she has no answer to. She told me that my name is whatever is in the front of my book. I assume that meant my baby book! So we went through some names. Finally,I told her my name is Debbie. Okay she said, I believe you. Wow, she really didn't know, but rather than have to think about it,she just accepted what I told her. Why? What happened between yesterday and today? Why can she figure out things that are a little complex, but she can't remember my name? Today, when she woke up, she was seeing her surroundings for the first time, again. She had no idea where she was. She told me she was going to get ready and go to church. Maybe, tomorrow will be better. I was planning to take her out today, but I am afraid to. There's always tomorrow!

One Day at a Time

Well, a couple of nights ago I was ready to send Mom back to the nursing home! Sleeping pills didn't really help her sleep, but they sure did add to her already confused state of mind. Wednesday night she woke up at around 2 am and was looking for the bathroom. She wouldn't let me help her, didn't want me to touch her. I finally got her in to the bathroom, where she refused to sit on the toilet, and try to get on the sink. I knew that the sleeping pills had her so confused. She told me she would wait for Debbie to help her. I said I am Debbie! The blank stare said it all. It was a struggle, but I finally got her back to bed, practically having to pick her up to put her in bed. I tucked the blankets between the matress and the box springs, so it would be a litlle harder for her to get up and went into the living room and cried. What have I done? What made me think that I could do this? I know that there are lots of people praying for me (maybe they are more praying for Mom!), but I just felt at peace. I didn't know what I was going to do different, but I knew it would be okay. A few hours later, Mom woke up, got up and allowed me to help her to the bathroom. She then ate a good breakfast and we continued our daily routine. Tim's mom came and stayed with her for a couple of hours so I could just get out of the house. I had a great time at the Dollar Tree and McDonalds! I would have gone to see Tim and eat lunch with him, but he was gone. Mom took a little catnap while I was gone and another one right before supper. After we ate, I set at the table with her and worked on a flip photo album. I cut, glued, etc while she watched and talk a little. Then I played a cd that Jeremy had made a few years ago. There are two songs on the cd that he sings and they just happen to be songs Mom knows, Because He Lives and Farther Along. So for three hours we sit at the table and sang along with those two songs that she knew. I just set the songs on repeat, so I am sure we sang those two songs at least 20 times each! I kept asking her if she were tired and she would say, no, I'm just watching you. So at around 9:30 pm, I got her gown on her and helped her in to bed. NO SLEEPING PILLS! It is now 5 am and I haven't heard a peep from her! Well, I have a baby monitor in her room, so I do hear her breathing and sometimes snoring! So, I am hoping today is good for her. I would like to take her out and let her do "the Dollar Store!" That was one of her favorite places in the whole world to go! I could take her to Florida and that's were my mom, my sister and I would end up. Any store that had the word "Dollar" in it! So here I am, taking this one day at a time. I guess that all any of us do, isn't it?

Eleven Days In

Okay, everyone's blogging...I never thought I would, though. Don't have enough time, don't have enough to say...Don't have anything interesting to blog about. But then, 11 days ago, I found a most interesting subject...my mom. For those of you who don't know, my mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease, a most interesting, yet heartbreaking illness. As a little background information, about 4 years ago, (time is kind of fuzzy), mom had a car accident. She totaled her car driving home from church. She couldn't tell anyone exactly what happened, although, it was a one car accident. She hit a utility pole dead center with her car. Didn't try to brake, and didn't slow down. She wasn't hurt, but we took her to the emergency room at the insistence of her insurance company. The hospital ran several tests, and came back with the information that at some point in the past, she had a slight stroke and that the arteries in her brain were narrowing. The emergency room doc said that she should never drive again. Her kids, who knew that she probably shouldn't have been driving anyway, were quite relieved. We didn't have to take her car away (it was unfixable anyway) the doc said she couldn't drive. She didn't like that one little bit! We tried to take her places, made sure she had food, took her to get her hair done, but she was never happy about her car not being in her driveway! She eventually quit talking to me about her car, because in her mind, I was the one that wouldn't let her drive! Anyway, every chance she got- my brother, sister, their spouses, the grandkids, her siblings, the neighbors, the clerks at any given store heard the story of how she didn't have her car because her daughter wouldn't let her drive! It bothered me at first...then it became comical. Anyway, after a long while, she quit talking about her car as much. (Even though she did mention a couple days ago that she didn't have a car.) She lived alone and her life was watching tv, reading and doing "circle words." The family tried to make life as normal for her as we could, but things just weren't adding up. Simple things, like doing the few dishes she had and running the washing machine had become things of the past. We noticed she was becoming more and more...well, we called it eccentric. There were things in the fridge that shouldn't have been there and things that should have been in the fridge that were sitting out. I took the knobs off her gas stove, fearing she would set the place on fire. That wasn't cruel...she never used the stove, unless she wanted to get warm! She had no concept of putting on a sweater or covering up with a blanket.
Things were getting worse and we feared for her safety. At that point, we felt that she just needed some assistance in doing some things. Like making sure she took her medicine and took the correct amount. My brother and sister-in-law had taken on the job of going over twice a day to give her meds to her. We were afraid she would accidently overdose herself. So we talked about it and made the decision to place her in assisted living. We thought she was adapting to that, but she then stopped eating. She lost almost 20 pounds. Her doctor didn't seem too concerned. Then the day came when I got a call that she had fallen in her room. The aides thought she had gotten up too quickly. I made the decision to call an ambulance and have her taken to the hospital. While she was there, they found her blood count very low. She was there for, I believe 5 or 6 days. The doc told us that she needed to be in a nursing home with 24 hour care. So my brother and I found one that we "liked" and that's were mom stayed for a little over 3 months. The doc on call there, prescribed a medicine that increased her appetite. She had started eating more. But everytime I stopped to see her, she was in her room, in bed, asleep. She couldn't remember how to turn the tv on, so she just slept. Something in the back of my mind was gnawing at me...I just didn't know what it was. Then one day I walked in to the business office to get the paperwork to apply for Medicaid, when the lady said to me that my mom was not there for medical reasons, she was there for custodial purposes. I other words, we were just leaving mom there, because we couldn't care for her. I left with the unfinished paperwork, and alot of thoughts going through my mind. I had just started a new job that I loved. But it didn't seem right to me. My mom was just sleeping her life away, while I was working...that didn't make sense. I was told that she didn't know some of the family, and I wasn't at all sure that she knew me all the time. I had decided that I was going to go see her and if she knew me, I was taking her out of there and moving her home with me. I walked in while she was eating, she looked at me, said "Hi, Honey" and started talking about her food. She calls everyone "honey", so I just figured I was just other face. But then she said to me "What are you going to do when you leave here?" I told her I was going to work. She replied, "Oh, I thought maybe we could run around like we used to." I knew right then, she knew exactly who she was talking to! I said to her that I would be right back, and walked to the nurses station. I looked at Wendy, her nurse, and said, "I want to take my mom home." She started to tell me about how to sign her out for the day and I said, "No, I want to take my mom home permanently."

Now, it's the beginning of the 11th day. I have no regrets. I am a little tired, but we are learning to get into a routine. It's like having a baby or toddler around. Sleep when they sleep. Okay, I am relearning how to care for someone who needs lots of care. But I wouldn't trade these first 11 days for anything.