What a Difference Two Weeks Makes

I had a different lady in my house today...She looked like my mom, was still confused like my mom, but was so alert and talkative! She slept all night and around 9 am I heard her stirring in her bed, so I opened her door and she looked at me and said , "Well, hi honey, I wondered where I was at." I sat and talked to her for a few minutes, told her I was going to make her breakfast, so she sat up in her bed and waited for me to come back to get her after I got breakfast ready. She told the dog that "Debbie is going to make your breakfast too." So I know she knew who I was. She ate okay, but not great...but she did drink some Sunny D and a glass of water. I am trying to push water, water, water because of the UTI. Thanks to Kristen, I know now not to give her orange juice or anything citrus with the UTI. I do know that she drank about 4 glasses of OJ at the nursing home. After breakfast she was ready to watch tv (game shows) and as long as I was in her sight, she would talk to me. Sometimes I sit behind her chair on the couch and she can't see me and forgets I'm in the room! The home health aide came out and bathed her and got her dressed, while I ran to the store for a few more things. (Eggs are hard to keep in the house now.) When I returned after about an hour, I made her lunch and she ate all of it and asked for more chicken (first time she asked for more!) She had her usually potty time after lunch and then said she would like to lay down for awhile. She walked in her room, pulled her covers down and crawled in to bed. I think she was asleep before her head hit the pillow. She slept for a couple of hours, and then I heard her open the door to her room. She came walking out with her shoes on and said, "Hi Honey, I wondered were you were." She wanted to watch more tv, so we watched the Waltons...she kept trying to get me to turn it by saying, "If you don't want to watch this you can turn to whatever you want." I guess she was getting sick of the Waltons! She ate a good supper, had a piece of cake and sat at the table watching me craft again. Around 8 pm she said "I could just go to sleep right here." I asked her if she wanted to go to bed and she said yes. I took her to the bathroom, got her in her gown, she walked to her room and went to bed! Now I don't know why the turnaround and if it is only temporary, but I do believe she has been sick with this UTI for awhile. She never had a fever and I didn't notice anything different with her than I had seen in the nursing home for awhile. I feel bad to know that she was here for two weeks before I noticed she was ill. Well, I didn't notice it...she just couldn't get out of bed! She still thinks this is her house at times and can't figure out how I get in, she still looks outside and thinks she sees snow on the ground, she still thinks her bedroom closet is her bathroom, but today for the first time she was more able to communicate with me than she has for quite sometime. So tomorrow morning, I hope that strange lady that I call Mom is still here! And still wants to talk, because I love having her here to talk to. Like I said, what a difference two weeks makes!

Bump in the Road

We didn't make it to the doctor today...but we got a ride to Ball Hospital! I went in this morning to get Mom up and get her ready to go to her doctor's appointment. I asked her if she wanted to go to McDonald's and she said that sounded good. But, when I asked her to get up, she told me her back hurt. Well, as you know, we have all heard that before! I then asked her if I could help her sit up. But when I tried, she cried out, no, no, my back, it hurts. She was lying flat on her back and really couldn't move. I could tell she was trying, but it was just too painful. Okay, now what do I do? I called her doctor, and they suggested just calling an ambulance if I couldn't get her sit up. Called 911 where they determined she wasn't in distress, so they called "the Sheriff's Ambulance". I'm sure that means something, I just don't know what. Anyway, the paramedics came, assessed her, gave her a shot of Demerol, put her on the gurney and took her to the hospital. I followed them there and on the way called Barry, who met us out there. To make a long story short, she has a urinary tract infection. The doc said that would cause her back pain. He gave her 5 days of antibiotic and said to have her drink lots of water. She loved the doctor...As soon as he came in she wanted to hug him, then while he was examining her she pulled him over and kissed the top of his head, looked at him and said...do you want to lay down with me? I thought Barry and I were going to lose it!! She is absolutely adorable sometimes! Anyway, I got her home, took her to the bathroom and she went in her room and sat on the bed. I didn't want to give a a lot to eat, she "sort of" threw up in the car on the way home. So she had a few saltine crackers and a "sippy cup full of water." She doesn't do well with a straw anymore, and she gets choked just drinking from a glass, so I tried one of Cabot's sippy cups. I took the valve out, so the water would come out easily. It worked! She drank almost a full glass. I started this post at 10 pm, but got tired and fell asleep. She was sleeping then and now at 5 am, I am finishing this and she is still sleeping. I am going to reschedule her doctor appointment today, because I want him to still see her. Then he can make sure her infection has cleared up. I guess we will hit bumps sometimes. I thought yesterday, as she was lying in bed here at home, that we were going to have to put her back in the nursing home. That was before we found out in was just what it was. I was thinking she had a severe back problem, that I wouldn't be able to handle her. But it turned out to be just a bump. I hope we stay on a smooth road for awhile!

Our First Outing

Yes, we are going to venture out today...not because I really want to , but Mom has a doctors appointment at 1 pm. It should, at the least, be interesting! I think we will stop and eat lunch somewhere. I can't get the wheelchair in my car, so I'm not sure how this is going to turn out. I do have her walker, she can sit on it and I can push her, but not through parking lots, etc. We'll manage...I am sure she will be so tired when we get home that she will sleep for hours!
Speaking of sleeping, she is still in la la land...I think this is night 3 or 4 where she has slept without getting up. Well, if you can count yesterday, when Tim got up at 6 am and looked in at her. She was on her knees by the side of the bed. It brought back memories of when as a child I would look in her and dad's room and they would be by their bedside, praying. Well, I don't think that was Mom's intentions this time. She must have slide out of bed and got in that position. I know she hadn't been there long, I had just looked in on her at 5 pm. Anyway, Tim got her back in bed and she went back to sleep for 3 more hours. She was really out of it yesterday afternoon, but I discovered something important. If I respond to her with agitation, she picks up on that and responds in the same way. If I can just walk away and stay calm, then she, in turn, stays calm. Learning everyday!

What is Normal?

When Mom was in the nursing home she was sleeping alot. I would get so upset, because I figured no one cared enough to turn on her television or motivate her mind. I decided that I would let her watch games shows and the Waltons, and that I would try to spend time with her helping her look at pictures, etc. That seemed to work for a few days. Today, she is back to sleeping. She didn't get out of bed until 11:30 although I tried to get her up earlier. Needless to say when she did get up, her clothes were soaked and her bed needed changed. I had to bathe her before she could even eat. I fixed spaghetti and garlic bread and gave her a good portion. I went about my business, I moved her bedroom around, stripped the bed, washed a load of clothes and loaded the dishwasher. It took her awhile, but she ate every bite! But she just doesn't seem too perky today. I had her sit in her chair to watch Let's Make a Deal, and she fell asleep immediately. I think she may have a cold, she goes to the doctor tomorrow. That should be fun! Anyway, I am still searching for the answer to that question "What is Normal?" Maybe, wacked (sorry, one of my favorite words) is her normal. Sometimes I think its mine!

Learning Process

Well, my fault I guess. I let Mom stay up until 10:30 pm. She was watching the Waltons and kept telling me she wanted to finish watching the show. Okay, nice guy that I am, let her stay up. She is, after all, 81 years old! BIG MISTAKE! When she gets very tired, she gets very uncooperative. No, she wasn't going to bed right then- no, she wasn't going to use the bathroom- and no, she wasn't putting on her gown, she was sleeping in her clothes. Guess who won? For you who know me, you may think I did, but NO, she won! I tried reasoning, threats (I am calling the doctor and he will come over and make you go to the bathroom and charge you lots of money). I tried pouting (never worked for me as a kid, either). So, she laid down in her bed, covered herself up, and was asleep before I even left the room. She did try to keep her shoes on, but I won that one! Other than that, we had a real good night. She had grilled cheese and chips for supper, that is her light meal of the day. She ate every single bite! She took her pills, but never really understands why she has to take them. She talked to Tim for a minute and watched me work on a photo calendar. She seems to enjoy sitting at the table. I put "stuff" in front of her that she can "mess" with. She likes to fold and refold things. Maybe I should give her my laundry to fold! Anyway, I have a feeling that taking care of Mom will continue to be a learning process. That's okay. We should never stop learning!

A New Day

I woke up at 4 am this morning...after sleeping for about 5 hours. That is plenty of sleep for me, I don't require too much! Mom got up this morning at 8:30 am, ready to eat breakfast. She knew who I was and sat at the table while I got breakfast ready. She ate a little over 2 scrambled eggs and two pieces of toast and jelly and drank a good size glass of juice. She took her pills, with hesitation and agreed to let me clean her up. So, after her bath, I got her dressed and she is now sitting in her room watching the Waltons. (As you can see by the picture, she fell ASLEEP watching the Waltons!) She usually takes a little catnap around this time. The problem is when she wakes up, I never know what she will be like. Sometimes she's very confused after a nap. Then we just start over again! There is one thing about this staying at home with her...It never gets boring! Well, this morning was a new day, now after nap, it may be ANOTHER new day!

Trying to Understand

I spent a few hours searching the Internet for an acceptable technique, a well-kept secret or just some useful pointers to help me know how to care for someone with Alzheimer's. I wanted to find a list, numbered from 1 to whatever, of things that I could say or do in certain situations. I found out that all Alzheimer patients are not created equal. I found out that whatever I do, well, is hit and miss. I found out that what might work today, has no chance of working tomorrow. I found out that, like the name of this blog, every moment truly is a new one. Not only for Mom, but for her caregiver. I found out that it doesn't do either of us any good for me to get visibly upset. I have learned that lying to someone with Alzheimer's sometimes in the only way to get them to cooperate. Like telling Mom that if she doesn't let me change her Depends and the sheriff finds out, he will probably write her a ticket! She understood that and let me change them. I found out that a sense of humor is the only way I am going to make it through this. I find myself laughing at some of the crazy things I tell her, because if someone would say those things to me, I would think they were insane! But to her, those things make perfect sense. So, I have come to the conclusion that I can stop trying to understand. There are some things that are beyond understanding. Alzheimer's must be one of them.

Why?

After a wonderful day yesterday and a night of 7 hours of uninterupted sleep, the day today has been a day of confusion. Mom was okay when she woke up this morning at 5 am, just a little confused, but she was cooperative. She ate her breakfast, all of it and took a little morning nap. But the confusion stayed with her. She didn't understand why she had to take her pills and kept trying to get me to take them. She did well with the bathroom, but wanted to mess with everythng within her reach while sitting there. I had to move everything out of her reach! She had the air freshener spraying it and then tried to get the unmovable lid off. She was like a 2 or 3 year old. Lunch was good, again she ate everything I put in front of her and then I offered her a piece of cake, which she ate right down! Her pills were an issue again, but she only had one and she did take it. She watched me scrapbook for about 20 minutes, then started calling me Betsy. I ask her if she knew who I was. She stared at me and said you are my daughter. I asked her my name. She is pretty savy when it comes to avoiding questions she has no answer to. She told me that my name is whatever is in the front of my book. I assume that meant my baby book! So we went through some names. Finally,I told her my name is Debbie. Okay she said, I believe you. Wow, she really didn't know, but rather than have to think about it,she just accepted what I told her. Why? What happened between yesterday and today? Why can she figure out things that are a little complex, but she can't remember my name? Today, when she woke up, she was seeing her surroundings for the first time, again. She had no idea where she was. She told me she was going to get ready and go to church. Maybe, tomorrow will be better. I was planning to take her out today, but I am afraid to. There's always tomorrow!

One Day at a Time

Well, a couple of nights ago I was ready to send Mom back to the nursing home! Sleeping pills didn't really help her sleep, but they sure did add to her already confused state of mind. Wednesday night she woke up at around 2 am and was looking for the bathroom. She wouldn't let me help her, didn't want me to touch her. I finally got her in to the bathroom, where she refused to sit on the toilet, and try to get on the sink. I knew that the sleeping pills had her so confused. She told me she would wait for Debbie to help her. I said I am Debbie! The blank stare said it all. It was a struggle, but I finally got her back to bed, practically having to pick her up to put her in bed. I tucked the blankets between the matress and the box springs, so it would be a litlle harder for her to get up and went into the living room and cried. What have I done? What made me think that I could do this? I know that there are lots of people praying for me (maybe they are more praying for Mom!), but I just felt at peace. I didn't know what I was going to do different, but I knew it would be okay. A few hours later, Mom woke up, got up and allowed me to help her to the bathroom. She then ate a good breakfast and we continued our daily routine. Tim's mom came and stayed with her for a couple of hours so I could just get out of the house. I had a great time at the Dollar Tree and McDonalds! I would have gone to see Tim and eat lunch with him, but he was gone. Mom took a little catnap while I was gone and another one right before supper. After we ate, I set at the table with her and worked on a flip photo album. I cut, glued, etc while she watched and talk a little. Then I played a cd that Jeremy had made a few years ago. There are two songs on the cd that he sings and they just happen to be songs Mom knows, Because He Lives and Farther Along. So for three hours we sit at the table and sang along with those two songs that she knew. I just set the songs on repeat, so I am sure we sang those two songs at least 20 times each! I kept asking her if she were tired and she would say, no, I'm just watching you. So at around 9:30 pm, I got her gown on her and helped her in to bed. NO SLEEPING PILLS! It is now 5 am and I haven't heard a peep from her! Well, I have a baby monitor in her room, so I do hear her breathing and sometimes snoring! So, I am hoping today is good for her. I would like to take her out and let her do "the Dollar Store!" That was one of her favorite places in the whole world to go! I could take her to Florida and that's were my mom, my sister and I would end up. Any store that had the word "Dollar" in it! So here I am, taking this one day at a time. I guess that all any of us do, isn't it?

Eleven Days In

Okay, everyone's blogging...I never thought I would, though. Don't have enough time, don't have enough to say...Don't have anything interesting to blog about. But then, 11 days ago, I found a most interesting subject...my mom. For those of you who don't know, my mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease, a most interesting, yet heartbreaking illness. As a little background information, about 4 years ago, (time is kind of fuzzy), mom had a car accident. She totaled her car driving home from church. She couldn't tell anyone exactly what happened, although, it was a one car accident. She hit a utility pole dead center with her car. Didn't try to brake, and didn't slow down. She wasn't hurt, but we took her to the emergency room at the insistence of her insurance company. The hospital ran several tests, and came back with the information that at some point in the past, she had a slight stroke and that the arteries in her brain were narrowing. The emergency room doc said that she should never drive again. Her kids, who knew that she probably shouldn't have been driving anyway, were quite relieved. We didn't have to take her car away (it was unfixable anyway) the doc said she couldn't drive. She didn't like that one little bit! We tried to take her places, made sure she had food, took her to get her hair done, but she was never happy about her car not being in her driveway! She eventually quit talking to me about her car, because in her mind, I was the one that wouldn't let her drive! Anyway, every chance she got- my brother, sister, their spouses, the grandkids, her siblings, the neighbors, the clerks at any given store heard the story of how she didn't have her car because her daughter wouldn't let her drive! It bothered me at first...then it became comical. Anyway, after a long while, she quit talking about her car as much. (Even though she did mention a couple days ago that she didn't have a car.) She lived alone and her life was watching tv, reading and doing "circle words." The family tried to make life as normal for her as we could, but things just weren't adding up. Simple things, like doing the few dishes she had and running the washing machine had become things of the past. We noticed she was becoming more and more...well, we called it eccentric. There were things in the fridge that shouldn't have been there and things that should have been in the fridge that were sitting out. I took the knobs off her gas stove, fearing she would set the place on fire. That wasn't cruel...she never used the stove, unless she wanted to get warm! She had no concept of putting on a sweater or covering up with a blanket.
Things were getting worse and we feared for her safety. At that point, we felt that she just needed some assistance in doing some things. Like making sure she took her medicine and took the correct amount. My brother and sister-in-law had taken on the job of going over twice a day to give her meds to her. We were afraid she would accidently overdose herself. So we talked about it and made the decision to place her in assisted living. We thought she was adapting to that, but she then stopped eating. She lost almost 20 pounds. Her doctor didn't seem too concerned. Then the day came when I got a call that she had fallen in her room. The aides thought she had gotten up too quickly. I made the decision to call an ambulance and have her taken to the hospital. While she was there, they found her blood count very low. She was there for, I believe 5 or 6 days. The doc told us that she needed to be in a nursing home with 24 hour care. So my brother and I found one that we "liked" and that's were mom stayed for a little over 3 months. The doc on call there, prescribed a medicine that increased her appetite. She had started eating more. But everytime I stopped to see her, she was in her room, in bed, asleep. She couldn't remember how to turn the tv on, so she just slept. Something in the back of my mind was gnawing at me...I just didn't know what it was. Then one day I walked in to the business office to get the paperwork to apply for Medicaid, when the lady said to me that my mom was not there for medical reasons, she was there for custodial purposes. I other words, we were just leaving mom there, because we couldn't care for her. I left with the unfinished paperwork, and alot of thoughts going through my mind. I had just started a new job that I loved. But it didn't seem right to me. My mom was just sleeping her life away, while I was working...that didn't make sense. I was told that she didn't know some of the family, and I wasn't at all sure that she knew me all the time. I had decided that I was going to go see her and if she knew me, I was taking her out of there and moving her home with me. I walked in while she was eating, she looked at me, said "Hi, Honey" and started talking about her food. She calls everyone "honey", so I just figured I was just other face. But then she said to me "What are you going to do when you leave here?" I told her I was going to work. She replied, "Oh, I thought maybe we could run around like we used to." I knew right then, she knew exactly who she was talking to! I said to her that I would be right back, and walked to the nurses station. I looked at Wendy, her nurse, and said, "I want to take my mom home." She started to tell me about how to sign her out for the day and I said, "No, I want to take my mom home permanently."

Now, it's the beginning of the 11th day. I have no regrets. I am a little tired, but we are learning to get into a routine. It's like having a baby or toddler around. Sleep when they sleep. Okay, I am relearning how to care for someone who needs lots of care. But I wouldn't trade these first 11 days for anything.