Where Have I Been?

We had a fairly good night last night after I finally got her convinced she was safe. Mom went to bed around 6 pm. She usually doesn't go right to sleep, but by the time Tim got home she was out! Tim had a couple of phone calls and talking quiet is not his "style." So Mom woke up. She could hear him talking and that confused her. I went in her room, where she was still laying in bed, but obviously searching for something with her hands. I asked what she was looking for and she said a flashlight. Anyway Tim came and talked to her for a couple of minutes and she finally went back to sleep. She slept all night. I went in to help her up for breakfast this morning and she was really confused. She asked me how my mother and dad were. So I asked her who I was. I was a cousin's girlfriend, a cousin, a sister, anyone but a daughter. Then I asked her if she had any children. Yes, but I can't think of them. So she thought for a minute and came up with our names. So then I said, I am Debbie. She looked at me and then responded, "Why do you look like that?" Well, of course, I figured okay, I have gained several pounds in the past 30 years, but my gut said that wasn't what she meant. I said, Mom, I am 55 years old. Do you know how old you are? She said no, and I told her she was 81. She just looked at me, so seriously, then said, Where have I been? I leaned over and hugged her, tears running down my face. I thought, Mom, you are still there and I don't think you are coming back. She was living in the past somewhere and I just don't know where. I still get glimpses of my mom, the mom I remember. But more and more, she is someone else, somewhere else. I just hope she's happy wherever she is.